15 Things Cancer Patients Wish Loved Ones Knew
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In Hong Kong, tens of thousands of new cancer cases are diagnosed every year, and many families face immense emotional and lifestyle challenges as a result. When someone becomes a “patient,” family and friends often want to help but don’t know how. Sometimes, well-intentioned actions can even create pressure or feelings of isolation.
Here are 15 heartfelt messages from cancer patients—things we wish our loved ones understood. This is not about complaint, but about guiding you to walk beside us more effectively.
1. We are more sensitive and emotional than before
After diagnosis, emotional swings are common. Anxiety, depression, anger, fear, or sudden tears can appear unexpectedly. It’s not intentional, but the product of treatment stress, hormonal changes, and uncertainty (Mitchell et al., 2011).
2. Every cancer journey is unique
Even with the same diagnosis, no two patients are alike. Treatment responses, side effects, and psychological states can differ completely. Please avoid comparing us with other patients (Bultz & Carlson, 2006).
3. We cannot always “stay positive”
We often hear “stay optimistic!”—but this can feel like pressure. Positivity is important, but we also need permission to express fear and pain (Chambers et al., 2012).
4. A visit or message is better than silence
Some friends avoid us for fear of disturbing us. In reality, a simple message or visit brings comfort, far more than avoidance (Ussher et al., 2008).
5. Cancer is not our entire identity
We don’t want to be labeled “cancer patients.” We are still ourselves, just navigating a treatment journey (Frank, 1995).
6. “Chemo brain” is real
Memory lapses and reduced concentration after chemo or radiation are real side effects—not laziness or carelessness (Wefel & Schagen, 2012).
7. Your support gives us strength
Strong social support improves quality of life and treatment adherence (Helgeson & Cohen, 1996). Knowing you’re behind us matters more than you realize.
8. Please don’t avoid the word “cancer”
We know people fear discussing cancer, but open conversation helps us more than silence or avoidance (Carlson & Bultz, 2003).
9. Hearing other patient stories gives us hope
The experiences of fellow patients remind us we’re not alone. This doesn’t mean your support is less valuable—both are essential (Ussher et al., 2012).
10. Doctors’ opinions remain most reliable
We may question or dislike some advice, but professional medical teams remain our core anchor (ASCO, 2019).
11. We tire more easily than before
Cancer treatments reduce stamina. Even a short walk may require rest. Please don’t mistake this for laziness—it’s a real physiological change (Curt et al., 2000).
12. We want to live as “normally” as possible
We want to keep joining family meals and social gatherings. Being overly “special-treated” or excluded makes us feel isolated (Charmaz, 1991).
13. Sometimes one kind word is enough
We don’t always need elaborate comfort. A simple “I’m here for you” can calm us deeply (Northouse et al., 2012).
14. Please accept our moments of solitude
Some days, we just want quiet time alone. This doesn’t mean we’re rejecting you—it means our body and mind need recovery space (Petersen et al., 2015).
15. Even if you feel helpless, you matter deeply
Cancer challenges not just the patient but the whole family. Even if you think you can’t help, your presence and companionship mean the world (Given et al., 2001).
Conclusion
Cancer changes not only patients’ lives but also family dynamics. What we long for is not special treatment, but genuine understanding and companionship. With loved ones by our side, the road ahead—no matter how tough—feels far less lonely.
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References
- ASCO. (2019). Patient–clinician communication in cancer care. Journal of Clinical Oncology, 37(31), 2725–2745.
- Bultz, B. D., & Carlson, L. E. (2006). Emotional distress: the sixth vital sign in cancer care. Psycho-Oncology, 15(2), 93–95.
- Carlson, L. E., & Bultz, B. D. (2003). Benefits of psychosocial oncology care. Journal of Clinical Oncology, 21(10), 1716–1731.
- Chambers, S. K., et al. (2012). Psychological distress and unmet supportive care needs in cancer patients. Cancer, 118(14), 3852–3863.
- Charmaz, K. (1991). Good days, bad days: The self in chronic illness and time. Rutgers University Press.
- Curt, G. A., et al. (2000). Impact of fatigue on quality of life in cancer patients. Oncologist, 5(5), 353–360.
- Frank, A. (1995). The wounded storyteller: Body, illness, and ethics. University of Chicago Press.
- Given, B., et al. (2001). Family caregiving for cancer patients. CA: A Cancer Journal for Clinicians, 51(1), 50–64.
- Helgeson, V. S., & Cohen, S. (1996). Social support and adjustment to cancer. Health Psychology, 15(2), 135–148.
- Mitchell, A. J., et al. (2011). Prevalence of depression, anxiety, and adjustment disorder in oncological settings. Lancet Oncology, 12(2), 160–174.
- Northouse, L. L., et al. (2012). Psychosocial care for family caregivers of cancer patients. Journal of Clinical Oncology, 30(11), 1227–1234.
- Petersen, E. A., et al. (2015). Coping strategies and mental health in patients with cancer. Supportive Care in Cancer, 23(2), 473–481.
- Ussher, J. M., et al. (2008). The role of support groups for cancer patients. Social Science & Medicine, 66(2), 261–272.
- Ussher, J. M., et al. (2012). Cancer and the relational self. Qualitative Health Research, 22(6), 788–801.
- Wefel, J. S., & Schagen, S. B. (2012). Chemotherapy-related cognitive dysfunction. Current Neurology and Neuroscience Reports, 12(3), 267–275.